Miss Gemini’s Homecoming: Zodiac Opposites Meet on a Journey to True North Read online

she herself excelled in one-on-one interactions.

  Eighth House

  That evening, Hermetica drove to an abandoned house. She took a flagstone out of her handbag, drove it through a window and entered the house, in the back of her mind hoping she hadn’t got her outfit dirty.

  She made her way up a winding staircase to the attic where, she had deduced, she might find proof of King Jupiter’s affair and illegitimate son.

  Getting to the top of the stairs she turned on her smartphone’s torch application and took in the sight.

  There was old junk lying around everywhere. It didn’t look like anyone had been up here for decades. Where to start? Hermetica heaved a dusty sigh. She started to walk ahead.

  As she stepped forward cautiously into the mess, there was a sound from her phone. A Facebook notification. She wondered if it was a “like” for her public profile. She really needed it at this moment; Leonora, who in this moment was bathing in the glamour and acclamation of her TV appearances, was slightly ahead of her, while Hermetica was being kept in obscurity for the duration of her sojourn in this dead-end hellhole. She was painfully aware of the fact that Leonora might permanently eclipse her due to her forced exile.

  So she stood there, stooped beneath the sloping roof, squinting into her smartphone. Her bosom heaved. Was this possible? She had gained not one but several dozen “likes”. Incredible. How had this happened? She almost skipped into the air, but contained herself, remembering where she was.

  She checked Leonora’s profile, glossing over the words “you like this”, wishing she could remove her own “like” without setting off a diplomatic crisis.

  Oh. My. God. It was official. Leonora had fewer likes than her! With a squeal, Hermetica jumped straight into the air. She hit her head on the ceiling, and with a crash she came back down again, with the full momentum of her giant body and the mercilessness of gravity.

  There was a bursting sound as the floor caved in and Hermetica Gemini and a century of accumulated memories tumbled into the abyss like sacks of potatoes being unloaded from a truck.

  Twelfth House

  All was white as she opened her eyes. The walls were white, the ceiling was white, the bedclothes were white and even the man sitting on her bedside was dressed in white.

  He was smiling to her. She tried to get up. But immediately her leg and arm were cut by pain, and the man put his hand gently on her shoulder, urging her with his gaze to stay put.

  This was too much for Hermetica. Waking up in an unknown place unable to move, with a strange man at her bedside, probably trying to take advantage of her.

  She felt herself getting angry. But she decided to test the waters. After all, she was immobilised.

  “My – my phone?” she said, hating to ask a favour of him.

  He handed it to her with a smile. She wondered why he didn’t put it in her right hand, but then she realised that her right hand was in plaster. She started working her phone with her left hand.

  She checked her “likes” as fast as she could. She hadn’t lost any. She smiled. But she wasn’t out of the woods yet.

  She checked Leonora’s likes. Disaster. The bitch had gained 350. She was now well ahead of Hermetica.

  She investigated further. To her amazement, a full day had passed. It seemed that Leonora had won the extra likes with a counterattack that consisted in wearing an extremely low-cut gown on this morning’s news programme.

  Hermetica looked up from her phone. The man was still looking at her.

  “You need to rest now,” he said. “You have concussion. You shouldn’t be agitating yourself with mind stuff from a phone right now.”

  “Mind stuff from a phone?! Who talks like this? Who are you?”

  “I took you here. My name is Athos Sagittarius.”

  “Well that’s your parents’ fault. I need to get home!” Hermetica declared.

  “I think that’s a bad idea,” Athos said. “You need to recover in your own time. I have already informed the TV station that you won’t be coming in until next week.”

  “You have what? Who do you think you are? Destroying my career like that?”

  “I’m not destroying your career,” he said with a smile. “I’m actually helping it.”

  “You’re doing what? By keeping me hostage in the middle of nowhere?”

  But it was the strangest thing – in the grips of her agitation, Hermetica Gemini started snoring. Athos Sagittarius looked down at her closed eyes and ran his fingers across her cheek.

  Eleventh House

  Opening her eyes, the first thing she noticed was a weight upon her bosom.

  Someone was breathing regularly. She lifted her head. It was that strange man, that Athos, asleep, using her as a pillow.

  She could hardly move out from under him, because he was slumped over her, still sitting in the chair she had last seen him in.

  She moved her body as much as she could, but he didn’t wake up.

  She looked one way, then the other. She was in a hospital room, that was for sure. There was a logo on the wall with a text beneath it.

  Uranus Emergency Services

  The symbol did make her think of haste and flashing lights; but the shaky letters below it did not inspire confidence. This hospital should get a new communication agency, she thought.

  There was one other bed in the room. Whoever the patient was, his or her face was covered in bandages, and he was lying completely still. Two crutches were leaning against the wall beside the bed.

  If she could get at those crutches without waking up Athos, she could make a run for it.

  She sat up gingerly, allowing his face to slide down her body. Incredibly, he was still asleep, his head now on her lap.

  She contemplated him for a few seconds. His features were handsome beneath his neatly cut beard. His breathing was peaceful. She wanted to get up, but something more than her broken arm and leg kept her there.

  This was such a new experience. Someone was relaxing in her presence. Her chest melted. She reached out and stroked his beard.

  He was still asleep. She thought of slipping away. But she couldn’t resist just reaching out one more time and caressing his hair.

  She stayed like that for a while, imagining what it would be like if someone relaxed so much around her while awake, if someone rested on her of his own free will.

  He opened his eyes. For a moment he was disoriented. Then he saw her, and he smiled, looking into her eyes. Hermetica didn’t know how to meet his gaze. She looked away, directing her gaze at the bandaged patient. She was confused. Why was he smiling?

  “Give me my phone!” she snapped. Athos looked confused at her outburst. He was still in the process of sitting up in his chair. But he fumbled about, found her phone and gave it to her.

  She checked her Facebook profile. It had not been a bad dream. Leonora had 300 more likes than her.

  What was worse, Leonora had set up a fund with the hashtag #HelpHermetica. There was a video message associated with the fund. Hermetica clicked on it.

  “As you know,” Leonora said. She was sitting in the TV studio, colleagues walking by in the background. “My dear colleague” – at these words her eyes widened – “Hermetica has suffered a terrible accident in her hometown of Northford.”

  She was wearing a skimpy summer dress. But at least, Hermetica noted, she was also wearing a large, colourful silk scarf over her chest. She was toning down her appearance to harmonise with the gravity of the message she was broadcasting. Perhaps her intention was truly to help her.

  “I have set up this fund,” Leonora continued. “To make sure that Hermetica gets the treatment she deserves, even in that hospital so far from civilisation. And also so that she may stay in her quaint little hometown for as long as she needs.

  “This is not just talk. I pledge a personal contribution: I will work double shifts as TV anchor for as long as Hermetica needs to stay out in the sticks.

 
“Furthermore, I encourage you to take a hard look at what truly counts in life. Has consumerism run wild? Do you really need all the clothes in your closet? Take this beautiful silk scarf,” she said, caressing it and running her hands up to the knot. “I love it. But you know what? I have made the choice that the well-being of my dear colleague and friend Hermetica is more important. I therefore pledge this very expensive scarf to the Help Hermetica Fund.”

  With these words, Leonora undid her scarf and flung it far out of the frame, in one gracious movement that caused considerable wobbling in the neckline of her dress.

  “I hope this video has inspired you to follow my example and help my unfortunate friend and colleague,” Leonora concluded, her eyes wide.

  “The bitch!” Hermetica snapped, putting her phone down. “See what I have to deal with at work?” she said, looking up at Athos.

  “I thought she looked nice,” he said. “And she seemed to want to help you.”

  Hermetica studied his face. He didn’t seem insincere.

  “You are naïve,” she said. “You’ve never been outside Northford, have you?”

  “I’m not a fan of the big city, if that’s what you mean,” he said. “But I have travelled all over the world.”

  “Well your travels obviously haven’t taught you much. That bitch has it in for me and she will bury me if I stay a minute longer in this provincial hellhole.”

  “The doctor said you have to stay put until your concussion clears. Your fractures also need to mend. Look at the bright side. You get to take a rest from your stressful job, and you get some time for